33 things
In February I celebrated my birthday and shared 33 things I’ve learned about business & life.
- What you loved as a kid is probably what you should be doing now. Not professionally necessarily, but because it will fill your soul. Take a music lesson, dance around your house, paint a picture, read about space exploration, volunteer. Our “purpose” is to enjoy our lives.
2. The more sure I have been about a “sure thing” the harder it has come crashing down. Marriage, jobs, plans for the future. I said I would never get a corporate job. I said would never move out of Boston. I said I would never have kids. So glad I was wrong about it all.
3. Sharing your age is empowering. I bet some of you thought I was quite a bit older than 33. I bet some of you thought I was quite a bit younger than 33. I eventually realized that it doesn’t matter. Hiding my age was one of many ways in which I was dimming my own light.
4. A good opportunity is only a good opportunity if it’s good FOR YOU. I got offered a great job at that very famous & respected ad agency in Portland, OR shortly after moving to Los Angeles. People thought I was crazy for turning it down, but the timing wasn’t right. I still don’t regret it.
5. You can change anything you want. You really can. There is always a way out. On the other side of that change might not be exactly what you are looking for but I can guarantee you’ll be closer to finding it. And it’s better than the daily haunting of “what if?”.
6. If someone drains your energy rather than fills it up. If they only take and don’t give. If their side of the text message bubble is a 1,000x the length of yours. If you know everything about them and they know nothing about you. That person is not your friend.
7. Serendipity is created. You’re not going to get discovered sitting on your couch watching Lost. You’re not going to get clients by never putting yourself out there. You certainly won’t become a famous writer / artist / choreographer if you’re not producing any work.
8. Don’t have heroes. At this point I have met and even worked with a lot of mine & let me tell you… They’re faking it for the gram. They’re in debt. Their marriage is falling apart. Their teammates hate them. They don’t know what they’re doing.
9. Most of the people you see as “lucky” have greatly benefited from their privilege. Behind the scenes they have had money or relationships that helped them fall upward. The world would be a better place if they acknowledged that.
10. Everyone you know is going through something. Comparing pain is futile. Their worst day ever feels just as bad as your worst day ever. Choose to respond with kindness and compassion even if it seems like not a big deal. One day your big deal may seem trivial to someone else.
11. Listening is more important than giving advice. The impulse to be right, or to save someone, is worth training into submission. Listening is hard but you can work at it just like you do anything else. Silence is OK. Discomfort is OK.
12. Being willing to be wrong, publicly and often, has grown my career more than any professional accolades I have worked hard to earn.
13. You should assume that people are generally good, but also understand that their motivations for everything are selfish. When you accept that, you’ll experience a lot less suffering.
14. You can make your own family. Your own traditions. Your own rules. This can look like what everyone else does or it can look totally different. For example: we go on vacation at Christmas. It’s awesome. Did you know you too can opt-out of holidays? You can!
15. People are going to judge you no matter what you do in life. Might as well do whatever you want and get judged for that than trying to be someone you’re not.
16. Health feels like a physical thing but it’s also spiritual and relational and emotional. Get right in every area of your life and you’ll feel so much better.
17. Love does not equal a good relationship. You can be in love with someone but if you can’t trust or communicate with them, it will never really work. Neither of you will have your needs met.
18. (If or when you are able to break the paycheck to paycheck cycle): Spend less than you earn. Live below your means. Budget (see #19). Save every month even if it’s $20. Buy things used. Your bank account and the environment will thank you.
19. Budgeting is great for your peace of mind. Also, you can budget for self care! And other things you want but don’t necessarily need. I started using YNAB again recently and it has restored my financial confidence. I have budget items for live music, DIY projects, & more.
20. Go to therapy. Get a coach. Get a coach AND go to therapy. Improving yourself is the best investment you can make.
21. I try not to be preachy about the not drinking thing, but nothing has made more of a drastic improvement on my quality of life than quitting alcohol. You don’t have to be an addict to quit. And you don’t have to be “sober” to just… not drink.
22. Be the person who responds. I can’t tell you how many intros I get to people who never even reply back. You’re not going to get an opportunity that you haven’t put yourself in the running for. I think for some folks counting themselves out feels easier than rejection. Stop that.
23. Read books. Abandon the book if it’s not good and start a different one. Try fiction. Try nonfiction. Get your books from the library. Build a collection of the books you want to return to at home. Give books. Run away from anyone who pokes fun at your love for reading.
24. Work towards being self-sufficient. It took me until this year to see the value in being able to fix things around my house, understand what’s going on with my car, grow plants, etc. More than anything else, these skills have been huge confidence builders.
25. Indulge your kids’ imagination. Sometimes it feels like I am the only parent willing to be silly and pretend and play with the kids and chase them around. Connecting with them and making memories is way more important than how I look to the other adults (which is: ridiculous).
26. Prioritize mercilessly. Whose needs & opinions matter most? For me, the respect of my kid is more important than anything/ anyone else. If I can stand before her with confidence and integrity in the choices I’ve made, then it feels like I am doing everything right.
27. Accept that your parents and most “adults” around you will never change. Adjust your expectations, behavior, etc. accordingly. Work to understand where they are coming from. Love them anyway. (And be happily surprised if/when they do change!)
28. You are not your work. Let me repeat, you are not your work.
29. Value isn’t just monetary. For example, if you’re negotiating compensation for a new job, think of what other levers you can pull if you’re not agreeing on salary. Title and/or bonus, but also flexible hours / work from home, extra vacation days, education stipend/ training.
30. Exercising is a lot easier when you really like what it is that you’re doing. It’s worth the time and money exploring different forms of movement to find the one that motivates you to keep showing up.
31. None of the time I’ve spent wondering about the big “why”s of life have been a waste. I’m probably further than I have ever been from understanding the meaning of it all, but I am more grounded than ever in my own version of faith (energy, karma, spirit, connection).
32. We have so much to learn from animals and Mother Nature.
33. I’m here for a good time, not a long time. I regret nothing.
